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First of all, relax. You don’t panic buy. Only other people panic buy. You are simply prudently preparing. It’s all those other idiots who are the problem.
And now you have some validation, because this question is prompted by the launch of a new government website and campaign called Prepare. It’s a very sensible idea and has some useful tips on how to cope with civil emergencies. And we can understand the government’s thinking. After all, who knows better than this government the disadvantage of being caught without things like tinned tomatoes, protective medical equipment, GPs, teachers, civil servants who are really committed to Brexit and economists who understand markets. Even now it is understood that thousands of teachers and GPs are being kept on emergency standby, in tunnels underneath Whitehall, ready to be released should the need arise.
For some reason, this site was launched on the day the election was called. Maybe it explains Rishi Sunak’s sudden dash to the polls, or perhaps it was intended as a subliminal warning about a Starmer government. If so, I’m not sure that a few more cans of tinned vegetables is adequate preparation for that.
To be fair, the website and its suggestions are well worth looking at. It is always smart to have extra batteries, a portable power pack for your phone, hand sanitiser, a torch and a wind-up radio. It’s also good to put spare blankets and some non-perishable food in the boot of your car, especially if you are driving through Wales in an electric vehicle.
But the section on emergency food supplies did raise some difficult questions. Naturally, the government does not want to see panic buying, but as I said, when you were panic buying bog roll during the pandemic, I was merely prudently provisioning my bathroom.
The website suggests that you need three litres of drinking water per person per day, though that could rise to 10 litres if you want to wash or cook. And people generally recommend at least three days worth of provisioning, so that’s a lot of cubic capacity to fit in one room. And do you really want to rely on the water companies to get safe water back online within three days? Have you tried swimming in the Thames?
This level of provisioning requires a fair bit of space, so it may be worth stockpiling a few spare properties first. I remember our pandemic stockpiling. We had enough toilet paper, pasta and tinned tomatoes to feed a garrison in our spare room (although, with a diet like that, I’m not sure you would need the toilet paper).
The site recommends tinned meat and vegetables, as well as a tin opener (you think of everything, Q). Emergency pet and baby food are useful, especially if you have pets or babies.
It is clearly possible to overdo panic buying (sorry, sensible provisioning). Years after the pandemic we are still working through all the tinned tomatoes. Last time, there was no run on Hobnobs, but you might want to get in a few packets, just to be on the safe side. We do need to take this seriously.
And don’t forget that it is not just a few tins. You will want to stock up on Ocado slots. There was a real shortage of these during the pandemic and some of us had to go out to shops. It’s not worth the risk.
Perhaps you will need to make a break for it. I’m told real UK survivalists have a plan to take the Eurostar to France and come back to Britain in a small boat so that the government will fly them to the safety of Rwanda.
And this is all very well but are you prepared to trust that things will be OK after three days? If you are really getting into true survivalist mode you might want to think about a home generator, running off petrol or diesel to power your clean-energy heat pump and other essential appliances like the air fryer. Mind you, that means you are also going to need emergency supplies of petrol or diesel. This might mean stocking up on petrol cans. And since this is, you know, petrol, you also might want a secure storage spot that isn’t in the house itself.
One last thing: it may also be worth keeping some cash to hand, in case all the banking apps go down and you need to go to the black market for your Hobnobs. In a crisis, it’s not worth taking any chances.
Email Robert at [email protected]
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