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When did everybody start looking like Chris Hemsworth? Walking around the City during this recent hot spell, I have been struck by a distinct shift in the thirtysomething male physique. A great many young men seem to have undergone some sort of pneumatic transformation: it is now customary to boast biceps that strain one’s shirt sleeves and shoulders so hench they burst the seams.
That’s if they wear a shirt. Walking past St Paul’s Cathedral on my commute last week, I was beset by dozens of running, shirtless beefcakes all sporting smooth, hairless, bionic chests. Each had extraordinary muscle definition, every contour was exactly bronzed. Dressed in my sad goth summer office outfit, I felt like a weedy extra on the set of Avengers: Infinity War.
City bros pumped on power and muscle have been around for a long time: Tom Wolfe first observed his “masters of the universe”, those buffed titans of Wall Street, in The Bonfire of the Vanities back in 1987. Likewise, the extremely gym-hewn have been a staple of gay-friendly metropolitan centres for decades. Today, however, it has become routine to see young men of every persuasion, from Cupertino to Chelmsford, looking as though they’re mid-transition from puny man-child into the Hulk.
The Marvel movie franchise — and especially Chris Hemsworth — has much to answer for in this vibe shift. The Australian actor set a new precedent in male fitness aspiration in his role as Thor, the superhero with the enchanted hammer in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Hemsworth was ridiculously overdeveloped even before he became a cinematic hero: built in Melbourne and the outback, he spent much of his childhood on cattle ranches in Australia’s Northern Territory, of course. Such was his commitment to the Avengers franchise that he gained a further 20 pounds of muscle prior to filming, and has since developed a six-pack on which one could break a brick. His brother Liam is equally preposterous-looking, though his career, in more cuddly romantic dramas, means he is fractionally less enormous. (Even Luke, the eldest brother, has an unusually pumped-up bod.)
If the Hemsworth brothers have ushered in a new era of machismo, social media has further stirred the obsession with the male body: log on to TikTok or Instagram and you’ll find thousands of celebrities and civilians pursuing gruesome workout challenges and regimes. One of my favourite himbo accounts is that of the actor and fitness investor Mark Wahlberg, 52 (of Calvin Klein boxer shorts fame), who regularly posts on Instagram from @markwahlberg during workouts at the gym. He does his first just before 4am (a session that typically includes between 90-180 push-ups), before downing three turkey burgers and playing golf, all before 8am. Seven days a week.
Likewise, you can currently watch @thehughjackman commence his latest transmogrification into the X-Men character Wolverine; the actor is once again strapping on the switchblades, at the age of 54. Another Australian who defies the inevitability of ageing: watch him bench press insanely massive weights and plunge into ice-cold seas.
It looks absolutely, punitively, exhausting. Yet quite impressive, truth be told. Is it wrong to admire men being so very manly? Wahlberg even breezes through his press-ups while promoting shots of premium tequila.
It’s a cruel corollary of the gender-equality awakening that men now feel compelled to aim for completely unrealistic body goals. There are currently alarmingly high rates of body dysmorphia and disordered eating among young men. The ubiquity of social media apps for dating has also revealed cold, hard truths. These are difficult times for the bow-legged and the paunchy: our sex lives increasingly depend on a snapshot that will be examined for an instant before being swiped away. And while women may be expected to resemble Emily Ratajkowski, men must now embody an outlandish standard of perfection that sits somewhere between Love Island contestant and cartoon demigod.
It’s sad, unfair and facile, but men are just as vulnerable to the ills of objectification. You can bring the intellect and deep conversation, but no amount of quoting Dostoyevsky will likely get you laid.
According to my personal trainer, Peter Cobby, mere mortals can obtain the Marvel bod. (Cobby is a svelte Australian who likes to tell me that he’s been the same weight since he was 17.) “That kind of body shape requires seven-days-a-week training, a huge amount of weightlifting and a very prescriptive diet,” he tells me. “However, you’ll find a lot of these guys are cheating and doing three days a week, plus steroids.”
Steroid use is now pretty commonplace among those looking for instant muscle. Certainly, that might help to explain the sudden explosion of he-men in this part of town. Meanwhile, I plan to monitor the situation very closely, as part of an ongoing study on the fallout of the gender wars. Himbos, next time you see a sad old lady staring at you — feel free to remove your shirt.
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